How men and women can win the battle of the libidos vs. performance, part two

You can support a more vibrant sex life by making comprehensive changes to your lifestyle. Most of these changes are simple, yet they might have profound effects in the bedroom.

• Make time to de-stress and have fun. Mother Nature was smart. She didn’t want us having babies during stressful times. Stress lowers testosterone, an important hormone for our libido and performance. Find activities that help relieve stress on a regular basis, and stick with them.
• Kick the smoking habit. Smoking can damage the blood vessels that affect performance and sensation.
• Think ‘better sex through nutrition’. Avoid processed and fast foods as they contain saturated and trans fats which can impair blood vessel health. Keep your energy levels and blood sugar stable with small frequent meals of nutrient-dense vegetables, lean protein and healthy fats.
• Schedule romance before dinner. There’s nothing like a big, heavy meal to crush your performance and desire, especially if it includes alcohol.
• Men, add a daily supplement to your regimen. Malaysian men have used Tongkat Ali for centuries. Research indicates that a standardized form of Tongkat Ali called PhysTA supports male performance and satisfaction. It was developed by MIT in conjunction with the Malaysian government to ensure you get a standardized potency. It’s one of the first products of this type to be backed by clinical research. Available as Tenaga, it is safe to take just as you would a multi-vitamin or antioxidant.
• Get fit and maintain a healthy weight. When you’re in better shape, you feel better about yourself and your stamina increases.
• Get plenty of rest. It makes no sense to make all of these other changes if you’re just going to fall asleep when your head hits the pillow.

Finally, remember that lack of intimacy can kill your sex drive, so be sure to schedule plenty of time for intimate, non-sexual time together from snuggling to back massages.

Sherry Torkos, BSc, Phm, is a pharmacist, author and certified fitness instructor. She received her Bachelor of Science degree in Pharmacy from the Philadelphia College of Pharmacy and Science in 1992 and practices holistic pharmacy in the Niagara region of Ontario. As a leading health expert, she has delivered hundreds of lectures to medical professionals and the public. She is frequently interviewed on radio and TV talk shows throughout North America and abroad.

Ten fun date ideas to surprise your partner

Dinner and a movie again? C’mon and get creative! Spice things up and break out of your usual routine by surprising your lady with one (or more!) of our ten fun date ideas:

1. Enjoy a little competition. Take her for a round of mini putt-putt. If your date isn’t much of a golfer, showing her how to correctly hold the putter is a great excuse to get close to her. If the weather doesn’t permit for outdoor mini golfing, try bowling or laser tag instead. And remember—it might not hurt to let her win!
2. Go bargain hunting. For a memorable date, go to a thrift store and pick out outfits for each other—a budget of five bucks is plenty. Then wear your wacky ensembles out to a museum exhibit, lunch or more shopping (pretty much any public place is fair game!).
3. Treat her to ice cream. Ice cream is truly the way to a woman’s heart! For a casual date, go for a walk together to her favorite ice cream spot.
4. Horse around. Act like a kid again by heading over to a park and spending some time on the playground—pushing your lady on the swings is especially romantic! You could even cool down on a hot summer day by having a water balloon fight!
5. Go vintage. Spend a Saturday morning at a flea market, and have a contest to see who can find the most unusual item for under a buck.
6. Do a good deed. Volunteer together for an afternoon at the soup kitchen or food pantry. If you’re animal lovers, consider spending a couple hours at a local animal shelter to walk some of the animals. Besides collecting some positive karmic points, seeing you do good for others may warm her heart for you.
7. Spend a night in. Make a homemade pizza together, pop some popcorn and snuggle up on the couch with the latest new release—much less expensive than the theatre and much more intimate!
8. Go the healthy route. Take a yoga class together and re-charge with lunch at an organic restaurant.
9. Learn something new. This could be a two-part date! Take a cooking class together, and then test out your new skills by cooking dinner at home next time instead of going out.
10. Share a laugh. For a light-hearted date, take your gal to a comedy club, then head over to a trendy restaurant for coffee and desserts to talk about your favorite parts of the act.

Five confidence boosters for men over 40

Major life changes can take a swing at your self-confidence. Are you newly single and over 50? Or job hunting mid-career? You may need some help getting back into the game and a reminder of all you have to offer. Check out our five favorite feel-good tips that may also help you make an excellent first impression on the ladies (or an employer!):

1. Take care of yourself. When you look good, you feel good! Having a clean-shaven face and some new threads could be just what you need to feel good about yourself. Splurge on a couple high-quality garments—they will last longer than cheaper clothes and the self-assurance is well worth the extra money. Expensive doesn’t necessarily mean high-quality, though, so how do you know you’re buying good clothing? Bunch the fabric together then let it go—it should hold its shape fairly well. You may want to update your haircut as well—ask your barber about trendy cuts that will flatter your facial shape. But the nicest, clothes and the best haircut in the world won’t do you any good if you feel sluggish, unattractive and bulky, so don’t forget to hit the gym on a regular basis.
2. Stand up straight and speed it up! Secure people walk quickly so put some pep in your step. And stand up straight! Having good posture will make you feel more in-charge—and don’t forget to make eye contact when having conversations.
3. Support your bedroom performance. If you’ve been thrown back in the dating game, adding the all-natural herbal supplement Tenaga to your regimen may just what you need. It contains PhysTA, a patented form of Tongkat Ali developed in collaboration with MIT that may support overall energy as well as give your endurance and stamina in the bedroom a boost.
4. Do good for others. There’s no better way to boost your self confidence then by paying it forward. For every negative thought you have about yourself, give a compliment to someone else. You’ll soon be on your way to replacing pessimistic thoughts with happy ones. Getting involved with some volunteer work may do your self image a world of good as well.
5. Don’t underestimate the value of past experience. If you’re on the job search but intimidated by the other half-your-age applicants, remind yourself of past victories before you walk into your interview. You should also constantly be adding contacts to your network list—even if you’re in between jobs. Meeting new people may be the breath of fresh air you need to gain an edge on the youngin’ interviewing after you.

Our five favorite ways to relax

Sometimes we all need a time out. Take a break from your hectic life with a little R and R and our five favorite ways to wind down and breathe easy:

1. Act like a kid. Think about the things that truly made you happy when you were a kid. Was it tossing around a football with your buddies? Waking up early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons? Or maybe it was spending an afternoon in front of the television playing your favorite video game. Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, take an evening or a lazy Sunday to connect with your inner-kid. You’ll probably still find some joy in the activities you loved when you were younger.
2. Have sex. Studies have associated sexual activity with an improved state of mind. Research also shows that those who have regular sex may have better responses to stress than those who abstain. Revitalize your sex life with the all-natural herbal supplement Tenaga. It contains PhysTA, a patented form of Tongkat Ali developed in collaboration with MIT, and may support your performance and stamina in the bedroom.
3. Spend time in the great outdoors: Getting some fresh air, sunshine and exercise is sure to help you de-stress. Plus the exercise could help you feel healthier. Some tension-reducing outdoor activities include fishing, camping, boating, horseback riding, hiking and gardening. Get outside and play catch with your kids or fetch with the dog. During the winter you could go skiing, snowshoeing, ice fishing or snowmobiling.
4. Clean out your mind. Buy a notebook and use it to jot down random thoughts, what you got done, what worried you and the things that made you smile that day. You’ll find that after you’ve inventoried your brain it’s easier to wind down and chill.
5. Eat for a combination of “happy and calming” foods. Some foods may have a calming effect on us. B-vitamins may have a positive effect on your mood, helping to reduce anxiety and regulate your body’s response to stress. Foods that are rich in B-vitamins include fish, poultry, meats, dairy, beans and greens. A little dark chocolate may improve your outlook, too—it may increase levels of serotonin, dopamine and endorphins in your brain. Wash it all down with some green tea, its theanine is known to be a natural stress reliever.

How men and women can win the battle of the libidos vs. performance, part one

Do you worry that your days of great sex are over? To come up with an action plan that will steam up your love life, you may need to understand more about libido and performance. Simply put: you may have a great sex drive but not be able to perform, or you may have the ability to perform but not the interest. It may not seem fair, but Mother Nature made sure that women and men have different sex drives, and different capacities for sexual pleasure. 

Libido: This is your brain on sex
From puberty to old age, men and women’s libido—or sex drive—is different. Throughout their adult lives, most men think about sex once a day (or more). Only about a fourth of women think about it that frequently. This is because men are hard-wired to have sex to pass along their DNA, while women are designed to be more selective. Likewise, women’s desire for sex tends to be more contextual. They need romance and emotion, whereas men’s sex drive is much more straightforward.

Women are about twice as likely to lose interest in sex. Yet few people realize that as many as 25 percent of American men suffer from a low sex drive. Because good sex with a partner is important for brain and heart health, clearly there are physical as well as emotional reasons for addressing this problem.

Performance: Where is your satisfaction guarantee?
You’re in the mood but your body isn’t cooperating? Women and men also have different definitions for what constitutes great sexual performance. In general, women have a great capacity for pleasure and can keep going without having to give their bodies a rest. Their primary performance concern is usually their ability to be ready for their mate. Men, on the other hand, may worry about endurance and stamina.

Honey, call the doctor!
As soon as a couple notices an issue in their love life, they should get over any embarrassment and talk with their doctor and pharmacist. Low libido and/or sexual performance issues can be early warning signs of everything from cardiovascular disease and diabetes to thyroid disease and other hormonal disorders. So the first thing you must do is to have a medical professional rule out an underlying health condition. Low libido may also be a side effect of some medications.

The good news is that there are health and lifestyle changes that may make a huge difference in your love life. Check back next week to discover these tips that may revitalize your life in the bedroom!

Sherry Torkos, BSc, Phm, is a pharmacist, author and certified fitness instructor. She received her Bachelor of Science degree in Pharmacy from the Philadelphia College of Pharmacy and Science in 1992 and practices holistic pharmacy in the Niagara region of Ontario. As a leading health expert, she has delivered hundreds of lectures to medical professionals and the public. She is frequently interviewed on radio and TV talk shows throughout North America and abroad.

What Hollywood’s leading men can teach you about aging sexy

Hollywood can show us a lot about loving our age—check out these stars who are well past their 20s and 30s but are still considered sex symbols—they’re probably older than you thought! We’ve scoured the Internet to find how these men stay so agelessly good-looking. You may learn a trick or two for yourself!

• Richard Gere: This 61-year-old Pretty Woman star follows a vegetarian diet and is a former athlete.
• Denzel Washington: The 56-year-old silver screen star is into healthy eating and doesn’t drink alcohol. He’s also rumored to focus on his upper body during workouts.
• Bruce Willis: Most women will agree that no one makes bald look as sexy as 56-year-old Willis! We dug up that the action star is quite a fan of the exercise ball, and does hour-long cardio and strength workouts everyday for months before a big role.
• Pierce Brosnan: In his prime, the former James Bond was working out six days a week, weight-training, running, swimming, cycling, doing yoga and playing tennis. We’ve also heard the 57-year-old star walks the family dog himself every day.
• Harrison Ford: When asked about working out, 68-year-old Ford says that you should have a greater purpose for hitting the gym than vanity, such as living longer or being able to keep up with your kids. What great advice!

Other still-sexy stars who must be taking great care of themselves (it can’t all be genetic, can it?) include Brad Pitt (47), Robert Downey Jr. (46), George Clooney (49), and Sean Connery, who at age 80 still manages to make the ladies swoon.

Five ways you might be killing your sex drive

While you may be tempted to blame faltering libido on advancing age or low testosterone, have you considered that you may actually be killing your own sex drive? If your libido feels like someone threw a bucket of cold water on it, it may be due to some controllable factors. Tenaga may give you an all-natural boost in the bedroom by supporting your vitality, but you should also check out these five ways you could be hindering your libido:

1. Constantly feeling tense or anxious. Not much can kill your libido faster than stress! Use stress-busting techniques to keep worries stemming from work, home and finances under control. Deep breathing, getting enough sleep, yoga and regular exercise may all help reduce stress. You could also keep a “stress journal” to chronicle what situations cause you the most anxiety: Research has shown that simply acknowledging that you’re stressed may help calm you.
2. Use of some prescription or over-the-counter medications. Certain drugs may impede your libido, such as certain antidepressants, antihistamines and blood pressure medications. If you’ve started a new drug and you’ve noticed your libido has gone from high-charged to ho-hum, talk to your doctor.
3. Having a negative body image. This is a libido crusher. It’s difficult to have a strong desire for sex if you don’t feel sexy yourself.  Getting regular exercise will help you feel healthier and sexier from the inside-out, and simple grooming can really boost your confidence—check out our post for some great tips for feeling spiffed-up and suave.
4. Forgetting about intimacy. This one is more for your lady! It’s difficult for women to get in the mood if they feel emotionally detached from you. Make time for intimacy before sex by doing something special for her, such as enjoying a sexy, candlelight dinner together, trading massages, taking a sensuous bubble bath together, or writing her a love letter and reading it out loud.
5. Overindulging on alcohol. While you may think that a few drinks will get your engines revved, alcohol actually has a numbing effect on your sex drive. Keep in mind that you being tipsy isn’t exactly a turn-on for most women, either.

Four ways to become a happier person

Life can be a whirlwind. Most of us today are over-scheduled, over-worked and over-stressed, so it’s no surprise that taking care of our own happiness can sometimes fall to the wayside. If you need a reminder of all the good things life has to offer, try out our four tips for getting a little dose of “happy”:

1.        Be grateful –Send thank-you cards, which unfortunately seem to be a dying art. Sending hand-written thank-you notes even for little things will make you and the receiver feel good. Not sure what to say? We like this website, which will help you compose a gracious note in just a few minutes. Another spirit-boosting exercise is to list all the things you take for granted, such as being able to eat every day, a good friend or even your 52-inch plasma TV. Even try looking at your problems from the perspective of gratitude. If you’re having relationship troubles, consider the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return. Someone who is bald from chemotherapy would be grateful to have a bad hair day.

2.       “Just say no” to being around grumpy, cranky people –This goes back to what your mother may have warned you about growing up—“You are who you hang out with.” While this may not be completely true, if you surround yourself with crabby people you’re going to have a difficult time feeling upbeat, and vice-versa. We humans have a tendency to absorb others’ emotions, so try to make those emotions positive ones. It also helps to spoil yourself once in awhile as a reminder that life is good! Go on vacation, take yourself out for a nice dinner or take a day off work simply to relax.

3.       Spend some time doing something you’re really good at—Everybody has different natural aptitudes. Most people find deep pleasure when they can work within their strengths as a career or as a hobby. Do numbers fascinate you? Maybe you love the thrill of sales. Do you have a knack for writing? Or would you consider yourself a “people person”? Find out what you’re good at and look for ways to immerse yourself in something that enables you to use your talents. Then, if possible, delegate tasks that are a struggle for you to people who naturally enjoy doing them.

4.       Commit random acts of kindness every day—Here are a few fun, easy ideas:

• Put a couple quarters in someone else’s parking meter or pay for the car behind you at the toll booth
• Give the restaurant manager  a compliment about your server
• Mow the yard for a neighbor who is out of town or ill
• Give the coffee drive-thru attendant an extra five bucks to pay for the person behind you
• Smile and say “hello” to a stranger
• If you’re shopping on a busy Saturday, let another driver have your parking spot
• Acknowledge a co-worker’s talents. Telling someone “I admire how well you handle yourself around our customers,” or “You are amazing with numbers,” will make them feel great about themselves and what they have to offer the world.

Go green with your sex life

We’ve heard plenty about going green at home, at work and on the road, but the latest hot topic is going green in bed! There are many ways you can green up your sex life, such as environmentally responsible dates to even how you dispose of condoms.

Show some love for your lady and Mother Earth by going green in between the sheets with our tips for a sustainable love life:

• Shower together for some steamy fun that will conserve water as well.
• Toss used condoms in the trash, not the toilet. Flushing condoms can clog pipes, treatment plants and rivers. Also, stick with latex since polyurethane condoms are essentially plastic (not biodegradable).
• Engage in some sexy foreplay by giving your partner a backrub with organic massage oil. Experiment with different fragrances. Some aromatic oils, such as jasmine and sandalwood, are considered natural aphrodisiacs, while others such as lavender may help you to de-stress.
• Keep the lights off! Energy-efficient lovemaking in the dark enhances your senses and also helps qualm body insecurities. (Did we mention you might save a little on your electric bill as well?) Candles can also create sexy silhouettes, so consider making love by candlelight for an ultra-sensuous evening.  Opt for natural beeswax candles to limit indoor air pollution.
• Instead of ordering a pizza and driving to a movie, enjoy the outdoors for a sexy date. Try a walk in the park or along the beach, or how about some star gazing? Plus, the fresh air is invigorating.
• Did you know you can also naturally support your performance? Tenaga is an herbal supplement contains PhysTA, a patented form of Tongkat Ali developed in collaboration with MIT that may not only support overall energy, but may give you a boost in the bedroom as well.
• Some foods are thought to have sexually stimulating properties, such as black pepper, asparagus, ginseng, red wine, oysters, dark chocolate and avocado.
• Avoid lubes that are made with petroleum products or artificial fragrance, flavor or color, and opt for water-based instead. Coconut and olive oils are also great alternatives, just be careful not to use them with latex.

10 surprising reasons to have an active sex life; part two

I talked to you last week about why you should be concerned if your libido has gone from overdrive to stuck in neutral. Here’s another reason why you should take action and address performance issues with your doctor: resuming an active sex life may give you some rather unexpected but welcome health benefits. 

1. It reduces pain. Sex triggers the release of the hormone oxytocin and endorphins, which may help improve your pain tolerance.
2. It may improve your sense of small. Sex causes a surge of the hormone prolactin, responsible for your ability to enjoy scents, which is important because our sense of smell tends to diminish as we age.
3. You may have fewer sniffles. Having sex a few times a week has been linked with a healthier immune system.
4. You could feel happier. Studies have associated sexual activity with an improved state of mind.
5. You might lower your blood pressure. Sex is a natural stress-reliever.
6. It burns calories. One estimate is that sex burns about five calories per minute, depending on your weight.
7. It has been linked to better cardiovascular health. An active sex life may contribute to fewer heart attacks and strokes. This is because it triggers the release of DHEA, a hormone that supports healthy circulation.
8. It makes you feel better about yourself. Loving sex raises your self esteem.
9. It can strengthen your emotional connection with your partner. High levels of oxytocin, released during sex, are believed responsible for building trust and helping us to bond.
10. Men, it reduces your risk for prostate cancer. Frequent sexual activity has been linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men.

Dr. Decker Weiss, NMD, FASA and naturopathic cardiologist, travels around the world training physicians and pharmacists on safer ways to use fewer prescriptions and provide more vitality to their patients with natural medicines. A pioneer in the application of effective natural alternatives to bypass and angioplasty, Dr. Weiss has helped over 10,000 patients with his definitive holistic approach to cardiovascular disease management. His background in preventative and integrative cardiology runs hand-in-hand with early sexual performance issues.